With the GOOD, comes the BAD
Journal Entry Question for Grade 10 #1
There are many opportunities that modern-technology has given us there are some good and some bad. For instance the computer has given us a lot of technological boosts such as games, photos, videos, internet, online messaging, blogging, and many more. The games can provide people with entertainment, which is mostly for children, but sometimes adults also. Photos and videos could be stored into the computer so it can be viewed later by anyone who uses the computer, and it takes less time to develop if it's being printed by film. The internet provides tons and tons of information just by typing and clicking, with that it provides us with instant messaging where we can talk to people right away anywhere around the world in just a second. Without the trouble of mailing or actually meeting the person which could take a very long time.As much as there are good things, there are also many bad things about it too, such as the computer requires power to start, with the energy it costs money and if people don't have money for that they will not be able to support themselves and the computer. After that, the computer also needs various programs for it to run if not the computer might not run certain things as you want it to. For instance to play a game people must buy the games in order to play it. After that you have to see if the computer can actually "run" the game and if it cannot buying the game would be useless. Also there's a limit to how much you can store onto your computer, even though pictures/videos do not take much space to store but, it can takes quite some space if there is a lot of pictures/videos then you have to add more by buying more parts and installing it which can cost a lot and could be time consuming. The internet can also be bad because even with all the information that can be accessed it doesn't make the information true so, some information/sites can be true and the other are false. There are also viruses, ads, spywares that certain site give and that can be devastating since viruses/trojans can destroy the computer inside to out information from your computer would be easily accessed by hackers too. Online messaging and blogging can be dangerous since you can talk to anyone around the world, they could be people you don't know so they could be dangerous. In fact with all these bad things, in general the computer can cost a lot of money and everyday technology is improving so in a month things can be out of date and old. People would have to keep up to technology everyday with their time and money.
9 comments:
Run-on sentences should be avoided. Grammar needs some fixing, and dividing into paragraphs is suggested. Overall, fairly good!
I agree with Vincent.
There were quite a few run-on sentences that could have been avoided. Check your grammar over before you post it by re-reading your work. It will also help to find any "typos" in your writing. Great journal, you pointed out many advantages and disadvantages! I learned something new.
Great journal! Good job, Harry. You had some good positive and negative points. Try typing it on word and then copy and paste it on your blog next time. That'll reduce the amount of run-on sentences and spelling errors.
The disadvantages seem to be overpowering the advantages. Tehehe..? Anyways, I also think you should make paragraphs because it eases readers' eyes.
I like how you're only writing about computers and the Internet without making it so obvious. It's a little unorganized and the spelling things are already commented like four times so I don't need to say anything about that.
Well done!
I agree with everyone here. There are many run-on sentences and has some grammar errors here and there. I really like your blog though and how it is set up. Good job=).
On the blog itself: it was interesting to read about your thoughts on computers. I never really thought about how time-consuming the computer can be and how expensive it can be to people. It has good examples for both advantages and disadvantages, but agreeing with Jessica, it isn't really balanced. Is your point-of-view towards disadvantages?
Overall, good work on your first entry Harry:D
Yes. There were plenty of run-on sentences. The article contained general information. I think you could use some studies to spice it up - like how it can cause all kinds of maladies. But good job, I like the overall blog layout.
Nice analysis, but the run-on sentences and grammar needs to be fixed. The disadvantages were really expanded on and the entry points out the reliability on technology that humans have today. You should add more entries though buddy ^^" anyways good job, nicely done! =]
Other than the grammatical errors as stated by our fellow classmates, I believe that this is an exceptional piece of writing. I absolutely agree with you when you stated that coping with technology is costly and time-consuming, as well as dangerous and unhealthy for the environment's energy sources. Although technology is extremely needed to power today's world, people often neglect the disadvantages that you have analyzed. We are all affected by the trends of technology; we obtain impulses to buy certain things simply because they are "in", and the environment is being affected as well. Good job on your first post!
Nice post, few comments...
"Without the trouble of mailing or actually meeting the person which could take a very long time."
Fragment, period doesn't go there. I'll assume this is an attempt to reduce run-on sentences.
"...and if people don't have money for that they will not be able to support themselves and the computer."
People wouldn't have a computer if they don't have the money to suppor themselves so I don't believe anyone would be in that position unless the person cares about his computer more than himself. That would be his problem and not the computer's. It's like saying someone died because he used all his money to buy a big screen TV.
Other than that, I'll be nice and not to mention them. Good job on your post.
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